Monday, September 12, 2011

What do I want?

      Being rich, having a nice car and big house, was the first things that popped in my mind, when I thought of the things I wanted. That's more of a dream and seemed to be wanting material things. I questioned myself again, and this time I thought of the things that where bothering me now and wanted them to be fixed. I realized that I wanted to be less stressed out with school, overcome my fear of heights, and to become an artist.

      The first thing I want, is be less stressed out with school. I'm striving to make A's in my classes all the time. I'm not trying to be a perfectionist, because nobody is. Sometimes I get scared, and think that if I let myself get a B or C in one of my classes, it will become a domino effect. That's what happened back in high school and it made my feel like it wasn't worth trying anymore. Now being in college, it makes me feel like I don't want mess up. Its hard to keep up with my classes, but I try my best. So far I've taken a total of six classes in college and gotten A's in all of them. I know that one day I'm going to get a B or lower, but I just want be able to except it as it is and move on.

       Next, is that I want to overcome my fear of  heights. I've been working on this for awhile. I went on the roller coasters at Busch Gardens. Shikra was my first one. When I was two hundred feet up and looking ninety degrees straight down, I felt like I had no control of anything. I realized that was the problem. I just needed to let go and be free. It worked, after the ride was over, I had a feeling of relief. I'm still no doubt scared of heights, but doing this, will make me more used to heights and hopefully overcome it.

     The last thing I want, is to become an artist. A good at that. When I see the incredible work of Peter Paul Ruben and the complex creations by Salvador Dali, it makes me see just how talented people can really be. I want to achieve that and express myself in a way in which it seems effortless and everything would flow naturally, just like the paintings done by these artists. I have an idea of what to paint, but the problem is that I get overwhelmed when I look at a blank canvas. Maybe its best just to paint and not worry about if it looks good.

      I picked out these types of self-development wants, was because it made me aware that they are more suitable to accomplish in the near future. I now understand that its not about wanting the material goods, because that might make me want more. After that, the want comes from greed and that's something I don't want to happen. Figuring out that improving myself as a better person, was what I really wanted.

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